Vain Endeavors
Whenever I sit down and think about what Christ has done for me, I become overwhelmed. I almost reach a point of despair; He has given me infinitely more than I could ever repay Him. I have wondered for hours on end, "Why would Jesus do such a thing for me? How can He love me so much when I am such a worthless wretch? HOW, Jesus? WHY???" I can't explain to you the emotions that overtake me in these moments: I am in complete awe, almost in disbelief; I am overwhelmed and amazed; I am humbled... no, shattered. I then go on to puzzle, "What is there that I can do to repay Him for what He has done? How can I even begin to repay Him?" The truth is, all my endeavors to do so are in vain. Completely devoting my life to praising and serving Him would come infinitely short of paying the debt I owe. If all my attempts to give Christ his due are in vain, what can I do? The only thing I can do is to give everything I have--my heart, my love, my trust, my faith, my strength, my mind, my obedience, my possesions--to Him. And so, though my endeavors to love and serve Him will never be enough to repay Him for what He has done, I will continue in them out of sheer awe for his love for me, for there is nothing more I can give my worthy savior.
~Edit~
Please view the comments for a more clearly defined view of my beliefs on this subject
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4 comments:
I *do not* want to pick on you...but isn't there a problem with the mindset of wanting to 'repay' Christ? I know you said you know you can't...but something just didn't sound right there. Shouldn't all the things you do for Christ be because you love him, and not because you're so thankful and trying (though failing) to repay him? I'd like to suggest (I think) Future Grace by John Piper. If that's the wrong one, you'll have read a good book anyway. =) I don't want to start a debate or anything...you know what happens to me when I do that. =D
I certainly can see what you're saying, and those thoughts have crossed my mind before. But, however, I would not say that there's anything wrong with wanting to repay Christ. The problem is when you think that anything you could ever do would be of any value as repayment for the infinite grace Christ has given us.
Shouldn't we do things for Him out of love for Him, you ask? Yes, we should. But why do I love Him? I love Him because He is worthy and deserving of my love. I love Him for who He is and what He has done. I would not love Him if He was not deserving of my love. I don't love Him 'just because', and I don't think that I should love anything 'just because'. I love something because it is deserving of my love.
(note: I would not say that loving something because God told us to is doing it 'just because'. The fact that God told us to is a reason in and of itself, regardless of whether it is a good one or bad one)In Jesus' case, I love Him for sacrificing Himself for me. But there's one crucial thing I should have made more clear in my post: I don't do things in an attempt to repay Jesus; ultimately I do things(which includes loving Him) out of gratitude for what He has done for me. Given that I believe that one should not strive for an end which is impossible to reach, me saying that I do what I do in an attempt to repay Christ would suggest that I think it is possible to repay Christ.
Doing things out of want to repay Him(as opposed to doing them in an attempt to repay Him), however, that's a different story. In fact, I think this motive could be equivocated to doing things out of love for Him. I wish I could repay Christ. In fact, if there were any possible way by which I could do so, I would devote my entirety to attaining that end. I do things for Christ out of love for Him, and I love Him out of want to repay Him.
You're probably still not convinced that I should love Christ out of want to repay Him. Well, think about it this way. I want to repay Christ. There's nothing wrong with that. I can't repay Christ. If I can't repay Christ, the next step that I should try to take is to please Him. I can please Christ. Loving Christ would be more pleasing to Him than not doing so. I love Christ in order to please Him. So in a sense, my love for Christ is a result of wanting to repay Him.
You'll probably say(and I would agree) that the title "Vain Endeavors" suggests that I endeavor to repay Christ, and that's why it is vain. Now, I could avoid this seemingly implied meaning and apply a different, more complex meaning to the phrase... But the bottom line is that I needed a cool blog title, and though the blog title that I came up with seems to imply faulty theology, I still use it because it sounds cool. :) I chose it more for it's sound than for the theology it implied.
Thank you very much for bringing up this topic, Grace. I meant to address this issue(which I guessed would come up while writing the post), but I never got around to it. So, I hope this clears up any confusion about my theology and motives.
Thank you for responding. I'm still not sure if that's *quite* kosher, but I appreciate that you took the time to write it. And yes, the blog title is cool. =D
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