Sibling Relationships: Winning Respect

I don't know about you, but one of the biggest problems in my life has been getting along with my siblings. It's as if we were born with the instinct to annoy our siblings, and to be annoyed by them. So, why is it so hard to get along with them? Often our thought is, conscious or not, "It's not my fault. My siblings are just jerks." Maybe your siblings are jerks. It really doesn't matter. From that chapter which everyone, their brother, and their brother's brother(which happens to be the original man's brother... unless he's their brother's brother in law) knows about and quotes from but seems to not understand at all, we read, "[love] does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek it's own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,"(1 Corinthians 13) Your siblings' jerkiness does not even come remotely close to being justification for strife between you and them.


Here's a fact that I've found very tough to swallow: In the vast majority of cases, if you are acting in a manner worthy of respect, you will eventually receive respect.

Respect isn't simply that you can simply expect from someone; you have to earn it. Do you see what this means? It means that if you're not receiving respect, you're almost certainly not worthy of it. No matter how much of a jerk your sibling is, you have the power to make a good relationship with him or her. And having a good relationship with your siblings is crucial. Accuse me if you will for not being married while I say this, but if you you're not right with your family, you're probably not ready to get married.

"But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes." ~1 John 2:11 Yes, I know that John isn't referring to physical brothers. That doesn't change anything. Christians tend to be pretty good at loving friends and other 'brothers' outside of our family, but when it comes to family members... we don't do such a great job.

Me and my older brother, Caleb, used to have a pretty typical relationship a couple years ago. We would fight, we would bite, we would slight with all our might. We weren't sticking tacks in each other's beds and locking each other in refrigerators... But we'd often yell at each other and get provoked over the silliest little things. Now, as far as brother relationships go, ours could be labeled as angelic. I don't know that either of us have yelled at or insulted the other for over a year. Did this just come about by chance? The likelihood of that would be about as slim as that of the random mutations happening necessary for the eye to evolve(the number would fill three five hundred page volumes just to write all the zeros in it. fact). So, what did happen? Caleb won my respect. When I made fun of him, he'd simply smile and go on with whatever he was doing. When I goofed off while I was supposed to be helping him do the dishes, he'd complete the work by himself without a word. When I took his cookie, he'd grin and bear it. The more he began to act like this, the more ridiculous I felt when he did nothing about the many times I wronged him. Now, a couple years later, he has won my complete respect. You see, when one acts in a manner worthy of respect, there really is not much one can do besides respect that person. Winning respect is everything in a relationship; if you can win the respect of a sibling, you practically already have the ideal relationship between you and them.

So, what does acting worthy of respect look like?

Giving up your rights. Even if you were entitled to the last piece of peach cobbler, don't get mad at your brother if he eats it. Even if it was your sister who was supposed to clean the bathroom, that doesn't mean that you have to yell at her for not doing it; if it needs to be done before the nintendo goes on(or for girls... before the... barbies come out..? Before you go to the mall?), why not do it yourself? I think giving up your rights is about the most crucial thing you can do in order to win respect.

Being slow to anger. Being slow to anger is something that gets better with practice and time. This is something I've worked on and improved, and so I speak from experience. When your sibling wrongs you, let it go. Even if you are fuming inside, don't act on it. With time, you will become number and number to reactionary anger. Eventually you'll get to the point where when someone wrongs you, you'll think, "Oh." Or at least so I suspect. :P I can't say that I've reached that point yet.


Well, these are some of the things I've learned in my journey to make it right with my siblings. And let me tell you. It's not easy. It is NOT easy. It takes, effort, prayer, time, divine help, and everything you got in ya. So remember, if you are acting in a manner worthy of respect, you will eventually receive respect. Go win your siblings' respect. Good luck.